Sober roommates on computer in Boston Massachusetts

The Necessity of Sober Community in Recovery

(Sober Roommates and Successful Sobriety)

Contributed by a client of Tharros, 4 months into his stay (December 2016)

Where addiction takes us

As people in recovery from addiction, time and time again, we hear harrowing stories of desperation, loss, and spiritual deprivation. Often, the inherent pain suffered by an active user, before recovery, exceeds that of the average person’s worst nightmare. Complimenting the overarching theme of hopelessness and despair, one common thread in the active user’s story is that of isolation and pervasive loneliness. More often than not, the turning point in numerous stories of addiction is when the substance enthusiast morphs into the solitary pill popper, drunk, drug abuser, or addict.

Why sober community

 Combatting isolation is a driving force for the creation of sober living/sober houses.  These homes often place emphasis on promoting spiritually, physically, and emotionally progress in sober surroundings as a crucial component of successful long-term recovery. The first safeguard against relapse, as is often underlined in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, is the openness and willingness to reach out to others in recovery and expand a network of sober support that alleviates isolation and accentuates a sense of camaraderie in the battle against addiction. Living in a sober house, or at the very least living with a sober roommate or roommates, makes this extremely accessible, as finding sober entertainment, sober events, and sober jobs becomes about as painless and effortless to find as substances, confusion, and chaos once were to the standard addict.

What happens in a sober home or sober living

Experiences as insignificant as casually sharing past histories of use, talking about the struggles of sober dating, or simply distracting one another from the periodically overwhelming fixation of chemical dependence for spiritual maladies are just a few of the many blessings and advantages of living in a setting of fellow sober minded people.

My experience at Tharros in Lexington MA

In my personal experience, within weeks of entering Tharros House, I recognized the magnitude and significance by which having a fellowship of sober friends provides the definitively lonesome subconscious of my addict mind, a sense of immense spiritual and social relief. As time progressed, the bonds of the men in the house grew, cultivating a sense of wholeness, and an irreproachably guilt and shame free elevation of my self-esteem. The house morning meetings, ping pong tournaments, the bi-weekly bowling gatherings, the Sunday night dinners all constructively snowballed, compounding a positive growth in my confidence, and belief in my peers. It re-instilled a conviction in me that I was worthy of maintaining positive connections, of having faith in those who I entrusted to support me, of finding socially, intellectually, and intangibly meaningful and liberating connections, but most importantly of enjoying the basic elements of life all entirely substance free. Undoubtedly, the brotherhood of the men facing the struggles and triumphs of sobriety, living and breathing a substance free life together, fuses a comradeship that makes the strenuous days tolerable and the triumphant days euphoric. Thus, the urgency of placing the sober supports around oneself in the manner of a sober living environment is perhaps the single most critical key to my personal success in sobriety.
I was skeptical about sober living when it was suggested to me.  At Tharros, I found a wholesome and inclusive environment, and I’ve gained much more than I could have imagined.  To learn more about what we do at Tharros, click here to explore the Tharros experience.

Living a Sober Life in Massachusetts

A Sober Life Can Be A Very Happy Life

Living a Sober Life is not a death sentence

I hear many newcomers to sobriety express fears that living a sober life means that the fun and joy in their lives is now going to become a thing of the past.  While most will quickly admit that the “fun” was short lived, soon leading to some brand of misery, it’s not uncommon to feel like we’re going to lose much of what we termed “fun” in early sobriety.  In my experience, and for most who I’ve seen embrace recovery, life just started to get fun when I found my path to recovery.

In the past week, clients of our Sober Living in Lexington MA, Tharros House, have been rock climbing, hiking in the blue mountains, bowling, grilling some great steaks and seafood, learning to cook their own pizza’s, and much more.  But it’s not just the activity that is the fun, it’s the community and fellowship that is often at the center of a good time in sobriety.  Imagine that you get to have fun feeling completely comfortable and accepted for who you are, without having to adjust your mood or behavior with a substance!

Sober Events

I recently heard someone who was having great difficulty with the idea that they would get married one day and that they would not be able to participate in their own wedding reception.  What a reminder this was to me about the fears that my life was going to slip away while I changed into a boring, sober man.  Nothing could have been further from the truth!  Attending and hosting events, parties, and dinners is not a thing of the past.  You get to choose what you want in your sober life.  You are the designer of your life, and in my experience, what I found that I enjoyed wasn’t what I had been doing for so many years!  An event like a wedding can seem like it will be very different without the champagne toast; it is different: you find a different glass to use for the toast, and you gain the ability to engage with others, remember your conversations, and act the way you want to act.  Imagine waking up the day after your wedding and being able to hold your head high when seeing your guests at breakfast or brunch!

Sober and Single

Another common fear that I hear is regarding relationships.  So many of us used substances to help reduce the anxiety around our relationships.  I’ve been asked: How can I date someone if I’m sober?  The secret for me was first learning to become comfortable with who I am.  Dating, while often desired in early recovery, is usually best approached after some period of real recovery foundation.  I’ve seen many people with 6 months to a year of sobriety engage in successful relationships which offered them more than they ever thought possible.  The first several months in recovery are often an opportunity to learn more about who we really are.  With those who have taken the opportunity to be single while living sober for the first year, I’ve seen the best relationships show up.  In my experience, relationships got far better in sobriety.  Women respected me more when I had learned about myself and committed to my sober lifestyle.

Sober Recovery

Whatever your fears about a sober life, remember that the process of recovery is much more than learning how to live substance free.  Recovery is an awakening to who you are.  You get to live a life you design and while changing beliefs and behaviors isn’t easy, the rewards are far greater than I imagined they could be.

If you’re curious about the kinds of activities that you might be interested in doing when living a sober life, we suggest taking a look at Phoenix Multisport, a great organization for those choosing a sober lifestyle.   See what’s happening with Phoenix in  the Boston area here: http://www.phoenixmultisport.org/index.php?&chapter_id=57